situation normal all fucked up

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

– Ronald Reagan

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

– Mary Ellen Kelly

statistics, n.:
a system for expressing your political prejudices in convincing scientific guise.

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive.

– Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

The outrageous is the reasonable, if introduced politely.

– Charles Fort (I just subscribed to the Fortean Times)

Stop throwing the Constitution in my face, it’s just a goddamned piece of paper!

– George W. Bush

If you think you know what the hell is going on, you're probably full of shit.

– Robert Anton Wilson

Spam will be a thing of the past in two years' time.

– Bill Gates, 2004

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who think there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.

– Tom Robbins

Does this mean I should end my genetic experiment to cross-pollinate a Mac fanboy with a Scientologist to produce the world's most pompous asshole?

– comment on Mac Worm Author Gets Death Threats

Fuck isn't even a word to me, it's a comma.

– some comedian called Lewis Black

We are not what we eat, we are what we don't shit.

– from “Supermarket Nightmare” by Victims Family

With Penis Enlarge Patch your dick will be as long as a rope for climbing.